joga: "u frustrated fuck"
pella-bear: "bitter. not frustrated."
joga: "you've gotta learn the ways to block out libidinal urges. it all lies in hardcore exercise. just start running 10 miles a day. what else do you have to do?"
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:50:55 PM): There is no point
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:51:00 PM): there is no purpose
FifthBeatleJJG (4:51:06 PM): the endorphins do ur body good
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:51:15 PM): What will it matter if I run 10 miles
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:51:26 PM): it would matter a thing a 100 years from now
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:51:29 PM): or 200
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:51:36 PM): or 1,000,000\
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:51:51 PM): we have the nerve to think every little thing that we do matters
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:51:54 PM): nothing matters
FifthBeatleJJG (4:52:00 PM): you're getting apocalyptic on me
FifthBeatleJJG (4:52:10 PM): you're turning into a young semi ree-ree nietzsche
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:52:38 PM): What will it matter if you have children
FifthBeatleJJG (4:52:44 PM): true
FifthBeatleJJG (4:52:48 PM): ideas last longer than generations
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:52:58 PM): they will all die and burn out
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:53:05 PM): Man's time on this earth is brief
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:53:18 PM): there have been 4 billion years of life on earth
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:53:28 PM): 200,000 years of humand life
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:53:37 PM): human life
FifthBeatleJJG (4:55:40 PM): then what
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:56:17 PM): Then nothing
FifthBeatleJJG (4:56:24 PM): no, something
FifthBeatleJJG (4:56:29 PM): we will create our successors
FifthBeatleJJG (4:56:31 PM): bots
FifthBeatleJJG (4:56:39 PM): many are already living undetected among us
FifthBeatleJJG (4:56:58 PM): some of the very so-called "heartless women" that you so despise
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:57:33 PM): my misanthropism increases by the day
FifthBeatleJJG (4:57:43 PM): have you gone suicidal yet?
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:57:50 PM): I grow less and less sympathetic for people
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:57:51 PM): no
FifthBeatleJJG (4:57:52 PM): thats good
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:58:05 PM): But
FifthBeatleJJG (4:58:05 PM): so ur survival mechanism is still intact
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:58:14 PM): I do enjoy others misery
FifthBeatleJJG (4:58:29 PM): do you fantasize about hurting others?
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:59:32 PM): No
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:59:37 PM): About others hurting other
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:59:39 PM): chaos
"Mike Pellagatti" (4:59:45 PM): but I am unscathed
FifthBeatleJJG (5:00:02 PM): well then...sir pella
FifthBeatleJJG (5:00:06 PM): its mental hospital time
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:00:27 PM): what am I too dangerous a mind
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:00:27 PM): Well
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:00:32 PM): you can thank the women
FifthBeatleJJG (5:01:00 PM): yes, then we'll have a good time fucking them
FifthBeatleJJG (5:03:29 PM): isnt there a part of ya though that still believse in the right woman out there for you?
FifthBeatleJJG (5:03:31 PM): there has to be
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:03:49 PM): I already know who it is
FifthBeatleJJG (5:03:53 PM): who is it
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:04:12 PM): I have known her since I was 8
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:04:20 PM): or 7
FifthBeatleJJG (5:04:20 PM): not that casper girl
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:04:24 PM): No
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:04:47 PM): She is my uncle's friend's daughter
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:05:04 PM): she's 24 years old 4'8
FifthBeatleJJG (5:05:16 PM): have u ever tried making a move
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:05:38 PM): She hasnt really dated any guys...I dont really understand why though, the girl is fucking beautiful
FifthBeatleJJG (5:05:45 PM): guys dont like girls that short
FifthBeatleJJG (5:05:49 PM): its a deformity to most guys
FifthBeatleJJG (5:05:51 PM): thats where u come in
FifthBeatleJJG (5:05:54 PM): get this girl now
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:06:00 PM): actually here mom is tiny too
FifthBeatleJJG (5:06:07 PM): so what the hell u waiting for
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:07:20 PM): well the thing is I always tried to make a move on her, but she keeps shying away or brushing me off like I am not talking to her....she thinks of me kind of as silly or stupid, and yeah I come off like that, but that's NOT really who I am
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:07:45 PM): and every time I try to give off a sense of who I am, she either leaves or I come off silly again
FifthBeatleJJG (5:08:33 PM): she leaves?
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:08:47 PM): yeah she usually has to go
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:08:54 PM): she doesnt go to college or anything like that
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:09:15 PM): she is very bitter towards guys
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:09:19 PM): I dont understand why
FifthBeatleJJG (5:09:22 PM): so shes sort of a bozo?
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:09:29 PM): because this girl is easily a 10
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:09:50 PM): 9 without make up
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:10:14 PM): Kind of funny
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:10:19 PM): if i told my uncle
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:10:26 PM): he'd probably hook me up with her
FifthBeatleJJG (5:10:35 PM): what the fuck are u waiting for
FifthBeatleJJG (5:10:37 PM): but you know
FifthBeatleJJG (5:10:42 PM): this girl is a dyke, u idiot
FifthBeatleJJG (5:10:46 PM): ur setting urself up for failure
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:10:47 PM): No
FifthBeatleJJG (5:10:47 PM): 24
FifthBeatleJJG (5:10:48 PM): no guys
FifthBeatleJJG (5:10:50 PM): cmon
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:10:54 PM): she isnt a dyke
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:10:58 PM): definitly not one
FifthBeatleJJG (5:11:07 PM): asexual then
"Mike Pellagatti" (5:11:12 PM): she think Derek Jeter is the hottest thing alive
pella-bear: "i think you're right about the height thing. maybe guys are put off by her being 4' 8". i mean she fucking makes me look tall"
Thursday, November 19, 2009
coffee talk
Coffee was a necessary stimulant during my final year at college. It was always black coffee...no frills...we don't drink coffee for the taste, do we? We drink coffee for the ordered energy that it so reliably delivers.
Like most other drugs, there are downsides. My teeth are disturbingly prone to color changes, so I drink one cup o' joe and my teeth glow yellow...
But that's when I resort to my final addiction...
GUM
I'm addicted to gum...I've had 2 pack-a-day habit since kindergarten. Things could've turned out a lot worse. You know, occasionally a particularly intense gum chewer can get careless / chomp off a chunk of his tongue. But overall I'd have to say that gum-chewing is a fairly safe habit.
It all ties into the cleanliness compulsion for me... washing face/hands after a meal and then pop in a piece of gum. And it whitens your teeth...so it's a brainless cosmetic enhancer...I consider it analogous to snacking on lettuce (another painless way to improve health).
joseph's also a compulsive gum-chewer...unfortunately, he's a very loud chewer. My brother picked up on this habit. Like fucking cows, those guys are...and they revel in the sound...(methinks it's a not-so-subtle cry for attention)
Like most other drugs, there are downsides. My teeth are disturbingly prone to color changes, so I drink one cup o' joe and my teeth glow yellow...
But that's when I resort to my final addiction...
GUM
I'm addicted to gum...I've had 2 pack-a-day habit since kindergarten. Things could've turned out a lot worse. You know, occasionally a particularly intense gum chewer can get careless / chomp off a chunk of his tongue. But overall I'd have to say that gum-chewing is a fairly safe habit.
It all ties into the cleanliness compulsion for me... washing face/hands after a meal and then pop in a piece of gum. And it whitens your teeth...so it's a brainless cosmetic enhancer...I consider it analogous to snacking on lettuce (another painless way to improve health).
joseph's also a compulsive gum-chewer...unfortunately, he's a very loud chewer. My brother picked up on this habit. Like fucking cows, those guys are...and they revel in the sound...(methinks it's a not-so-subtle cry for attention)
teenage frankenstein
franken: "joga"
joga: "stein!"
"Kevin Franken" (12:48:40 AM): i called u back last night
"Kevin Franken" (12:48:40 AM): wtf
"Kevin Franken" (12:48:41 AM): JOGA
FifthBeatleJJG (12:48:47 AM): i was talking to Miss Fish then
FifthBeatleJJG (12:49:13 AM): how the hell u been
"Kevin Franken" (12:49:24 AM): no u weren't
"Kevin Franken" (12:49:28 AM): i saw her sunday night
"Kevin Franken" (12:49:30 AM): and talked to her
FifthBeatleJJG (12:49:40 AM): how did she look
FifthBeatleJJG (12:49:42 AM): hotter now, right?
"Kevin Franken" (12:49:52 AM): i've wanted that since 3rd grade u dont have to tell me
FifthBeatleJJG (12:50:33 AM): was she looking better than ever?
"Kevin Franken" (12:50:40 AM): yes
FifthBeatleJJG (12:50:51 AM): but she went through a rough patch for a while didnt she
"Kevin Franken" (12:51:00 AM): yeab lol
FifthBeatleJJG (12:51:12 AM): then what happened
"Kevin Franken" (12:51:37 AM): dk
"Kevin Franken" (12:51:40 AM): where have u been
FifthBeatleJJG (12:51:48 AM): organizing the war machine for the Fall
FifthBeatleJJG (12:51:52 AM): The new album is complete
FifthBeatleJJG (12:51:54 AM): i need to get you a copy
"Kevin Franken" (12:51:59 AM): i want it
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:00 AM): i should give u the very first copy
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:03 AM): i'm pretty anxious
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:05 AM): u should and will
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:07 AM): you are the one who appreciates the rage
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:12 AM): THE ANGER
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:15 AM): i have been there ALWAYS as WELL
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:19 AM): THE WRATH OF SACDAWG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:21 AM): Yes you have
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:26 AM): remember that
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:27 AM): except freshman year
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:30 AM): who answered and returned ur calls
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:31 AM): when that crowd was chanting Sac
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:33 AM): in the dark days
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:34 AM): you were the only one
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:37 AM): yes u were
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:40 AM): remember
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:41 AM): even the mailman wouldnt call me back
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:42 AM): the franken
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:46 AM): yep i always did
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:50 AM): and those $500 phone bills lol
FifthBeatleJJG (12:53:01 AM): urs were that high?
"Kevin Franken" (12:53:16 AM): didnt have free v-zon v-zon mins then
FifthBeatleJJG (12:53:48 AM): kelloggs lost his mind
FifthBeatleJJG (12:54:04 AM): (and jason aint far behind)
"Kevin Franken" (12:54:08 AM): i cant find them
FifthBeatleJJG (12:54:19 AM): theyre gone for good
"Kevin Franken" (12:54:36 AM): i think
FifthBeatleJJG (12:54:49 AM): ull never see em again in this lifetime
FifthBeatleJJG (12:54:53 AM): kellogg is playing drums on Pluto
"Kevin Franken" (12:54:57 AM): lol
FifthBeatleJJG (12:55:02 AM): (and hes still slowing down the fucking beat!)
FifthBeatleJJG (12:55:08 AM): even without the gravity pulling him down
"Kevin Franken" (12:55:08 AM): lol lol
FifthBeatleJJG (1:13:49 AM): you jacking off again?
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:01 AM): nah im making my fantasy football depth chart
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:05 AM): same difference
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:14 AM): fantasy football is another form of whacking it
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:14 AM): lol
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:20 AM): J E T S JETS JETS JETS
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:22 AM): you're fantasizing about football players
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:30 AM): that's uh...sorta gross dude
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:33 AM): ever think about that?
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:36 AM): J E T S
BRETT BRETT BRETT
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:39 AM): LOL
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:43 AM): do you have a mancrush on Brett?
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:58 AM): LOL
"Kevin Franken" (1:15:03 AM): I HAVE HIS JERSEY ALREADY
FifthBeatleJJG (1:15:07 AM): brett drives a corvette
FifthBeatleJJG (1:15:11 AM): but he aint dere yet
"Kevin Franken" (1:15:34 AM): lol
FifthBeatleJJG (1:15:37 AM): guys older than Mister Reardon
FifthBeatleJJG (1:15:46 AM): Cachio's prob got a better arm
"Kevin Franken" (1:16:07 AM): lol
FifthBeatleJJG (1:21:11 AM): so whered u see the fish?
"Kevin Franken" (1:21:20 AM): stop n fuck
FifthBeatleJJG (1:21:28 AM): what did u speak about
"Kevin Franken" (1:21:44 AM): life
"Kevin Franken" (1:21:47 AM): and careers
"Kevin Franken" (1:21:48 AM): and how fat u are
FifthBeatleJJG (1:21:56 AM): ic
FifthBeatleJJG (1:22:05 AM): did she show u her tits?
"Kevin Franken" (1:22:18 AM): nah
FifthBeatleJJG (1:22:29 AM): not this time, eh?
joga: "maybe next time she'll let you paint her nipples"
franken: "haha"
joga: "would that be something you'd enjoy doing?"
joga: "you'd probably faint from the sheer pleasure"
franken: "lol"
joga: "stein!"
"Kevin Franken" (12:48:40 AM): i called u back last night
"Kevin Franken" (12:48:40 AM): wtf
"Kevin Franken" (12:48:41 AM): JOGA
FifthBeatleJJG (12:48:47 AM): i was talking to Miss Fish then
FifthBeatleJJG (12:49:13 AM): how the hell u been
"Kevin Franken" (12:49:24 AM): no u weren't
"Kevin Franken" (12:49:28 AM): i saw her sunday night
"Kevin Franken" (12:49:30 AM): and talked to her
FifthBeatleJJG (12:49:40 AM): how did she look
FifthBeatleJJG (12:49:42 AM): hotter now, right?
"Kevin Franken" (12:49:52 AM): i've wanted that since 3rd grade u dont have to tell me
FifthBeatleJJG (12:50:33 AM): was she looking better than ever?
"Kevin Franken" (12:50:40 AM): yes
FifthBeatleJJG (12:50:51 AM): but she went through a rough patch for a while didnt she
"Kevin Franken" (12:51:00 AM): yeab lol
FifthBeatleJJG (12:51:12 AM): then what happened
"Kevin Franken" (12:51:37 AM): dk
"Kevin Franken" (12:51:40 AM): where have u been
FifthBeatleJJG (12:51:48 AM): organizing the war machine for the Fall
FifthBeatleJJG (12:51:52 AM): The new album is complete
FifthBeatleJJG (12:51:54 AM): i need to get you a copy
"Kevin Franken" (12:51:59 AM): i want it
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:00 AM): i should give u the very first copy
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:03 AM): i'm pretty anxious
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:05 AM): u should and will
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:07 AM): you are the one who appreciates the rage
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:12 AM): THE ANGER
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:15 AM): i have been there ALWAYS as WELL
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:19 AM): THE WRATH OF SACDAWG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:21 AM): Yes you have
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:26 AM): remember that
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:27 AM): except freshman year
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:30 AM): who answered and returned ur calls
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:31 AM): when that crowd was chanting Sac
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:33 AM): in the dark days
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:34 AM): you were the only one
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:37 AM): yes u were
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:40 AM): remember
FifthBeatleJJG (12:52:41 AM): even the mailman wouldnt call me back
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:42 AM): the franken
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:46 AM): yep i always did
"Kevin Franken" (12:52:50 AM): and those $500 phone bills lol
FifthBeatleJJG (12:53:01 AM): urs were that high?
"Kevin Franken" (12:53:16 AM): didnt have free v-zon v-zon mins then
FifthBeatleJJG (12:53:48 AM): kelloggs lost his mind
FifthBeatleJJG (12:54:04 AM): (and jason aint far behind)
"Kevin Franken" (12:54:08 AM): i cant find them
FifthBeatleJJG (12:54:19 AM): theyre gone for good
"Kevin Franken" (12:54:36 AM): i think
FifthBeatleJJG (12:54:49 AM): ull never see em again in this lifetime
FifthBeatleJJG (12:54:53 AM): kellogg is playing drums on Pluto
"Kevin Franken" (12:54:57 AM): lol
FifthBeatleJJG (12:55:02 AM): (and hes still slowing down the fucking beat!)
FifthBeatleJJG (12:55:08 AM): even without the gravity pulling him down
"Kevin Franken" (12:55:08 AM): lol lol
FifthBeatleJJG (1:13:49 AM): you jacking off again?
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:01 AM): nah im making my fantasy football depth chart
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:05 AM): same difference
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:14 AM): fantasy football is another form of whacking it
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:14 AM): lol
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:20 AM): J E T S JETS JETS JETS
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:22 AM): you're fantasizing about football players
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:30 AM): that's uh...sorta gross dude
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:33 AM): ever think about that?
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:36 AM): J E T S
BRETT BRETT BRETT
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:39 AM): LOL
FifthBeatleJJG (1:14:43 AM): do you have a mancrush on Brett?
"Kevin Franken" (1:14:58 AM): LOL
"Kevin Franken" (1:15:03 AM): I HAVE HIS JERSEY ALREADY
FifthBeatleJJG (1:15:07 AM): brett drives a corvette
FifthBeatleJJG (1:15:11 AM): but he aint dere yet
"Kevin Franken" (1:15:34 AM): lol
FifthBeatleJJG (1:15:37 AM): guys older than Mister Reardon
FifthBeatleJJG (1:15:46 AM): Cachio's prob got a better arm
"Kevin Franken" (1:16:07 AM): lol
FifthBeatleJJG (1:21:11 AM): so whered u see the fish?
"Kevin Franken" (1:21:20 AM): stop n fuck
FifthBeatleJJG (1:21:28 AM): what did u speak about
"Kevin Franken" (1:21:44 AM): life
"Kevin Franken" (1:21:47 AM): and careers
"Kevin Franken" (1:21:48 AM): and how fat u are
FifthBeatleJJG (1:21:56 AM): ic
FifthBeatleJJG (1:22:05 AM): did she show u her tits?
"Kevin Franken" (1:22:18 AM): nah
FifthBeatleJJG (1:22:29 AM): not this time, eh?
joga: "maybe next time she'll let you paint her nipples"
franken: "haha"
joga: "would that be something you'd enjoy doing?"
joga: "you'd probably faint from the sheer pleasure"
franken: "lol"
digital peanuts
lucy:
"a girl rejected your facebook friend request? and you've actually met her in person? and actually spent time alone with her on multiple occasions? and you haven't fucked her (or even kissed her for that matter)? and you've never exchanged harsh words with one another?"
"why you're just one step away from a restraining order, charlie brown!"
charlie brown: (sigh) "i know"
"a girl rejected your facebook friend request? and you've actually met her in person? and actually spent time alone with her on multiple occasions? and you haven't fucked her (or even kissed her for that matter)? and you've never exchanged harsh words with one another?"
"why you're just one step away from a restraining order, charlie brown!"
charlie brown: (sigh) "i know"
college football
HARVARD FOOTBALL
In the Ivy League, the best record wins championship at the end of the season (w/ tiebreaker games if necessary)
2004 Season
Harvard 31 Penn 10
(*clinch tie for Ivy League Championship*)
9-0
The Harvard-Yale game that year was held @ Harvard that season. Kulchitsky's younger brother (a lax player from Bucknell) and his cast of hooligans all came for the show / I was simply too lazy to attend. I stole some jello shots from the community fridge instead. It was a nice rainy day fall afternoon.
It was probably all the better I didn't attend. Even though Harvard easily triumphed 35-3 over Yale, two Yale fans duped the entire Crimson fanbase into holding up placards displaying a giant collective 'WE SUCK!' (caught on camera for the national media to see). That was probably right up there with the 'snow penis' (built right outside my Thayer dorm window freshman year by fellow hooligans), 'Henry Louis Gates arrest', and 'Larry Summers / Cornell West squareoff' in terms of negative media attention denigrating the good name of our fair Harvard. Come to think of it, there were many strange goings-on swirling round campus from 2002 - 2005. There was the 'Harvard groper'. There was Jesse Jantzen, the 149-lb 2004 national champion. There was that magical undefeated season with Ryan Fitzpatrick + company. There was Larry Summers vs. the femi-Nazis. Hell, even Busta Rhymes made an impromptu appearance (2 hours too late).
In the Ivy League, the best record wins championship at the end of the season (w/ tiebreaker games if necessary)
2004 Season
Harvard 31 Penn 10
(*clinch tie for Ivy League Championship*)
9-0
The Harvard-Yale game that year was held @ Harvard that season. Kulchitsky's younger brother (a lax player from Bucknell) and his cast of hooligans all came for the show / I was simply too lazy to attend. I stole some jello shots from the community fridge instead. It was a nice rainy day fall afternoon.
It was probably all the better I didn't attend. Even though Harvard easily triumphed 35-3 over Yale, two Yale fans duped the entire Crimson fanbase into holding up placards displaying a giant collective 'WE SUCK!' (caught on camera for the national media to see). That was probably right up there with the 'snow penis' (built right outside my Thayer dorm window freshman year by fellow hooligans), 'Henry Louis Gates arrest', and 'Larry Summers / Cornell West squareoff' in terms of negative media attention denigrating the good name of our fair Harvard. Come to think of it, there were many strange goings-on swirling round campus from 2002 - 2005. There was the 'Harvard groper'. There was Jesse Jantzen, the 149-lb 2004 national champion. There was that magical undefeated season with Ryan Fitzpatrick + company. There was Larry Summers vs. the femi-Nazis. Hell, even Busta Rhymes made an impromptu appearance (2 hours too late).
heroes
'free from sin and borne from the right hand of the father'
(divine masturbation?)
the king of the cats will be born of a man, some jack-off's loose sperm will land in a she-lion's pussy.
(*cue nativity scene featuring man jacking off into refrigerator*)
(the ketchup bottle as MC:)
'our messiah was born amidst these pickle jars and expired milk containers!'
(*cue messiah hatching out of chicken egg*)
(*cue backyard nativity scene featuring man jacking off in backyard*)
mating with plants / disturbing images of humans growing in yards
are these really the final taboos that must be crossed in order for us to progress as a species? hold your noses, folks!
(divine masturbation?)
the king of the cats will be born of a man, some jack-off's loose sperm will land in a she-lion's pussy.
(*cue nativity scene featuring man jacking off into refrigerator*)
(the ketchup bottle as MC:)
'our messiah was born amidst these pickle jars and expired milk containers!'
(*cue messiah hatching out of chicken egg*)
(*cue backyard nativity scene featuring man jacking off in backyard*)
mating with plants / disturbing images of humans growing in yards
are these really the final taboos that must be crossed in order for us to progress as a species? hold your noses, folks!
labor laws
I warned all of you YEARS AGO about the negative repercussions of government intervention in labor markets. Now look at what's happening in the auto industry!
We won the war. The anti-discrimination battle is over. We must repeal those laws now and move forward as a nation.
The American government regulates unions and collective bargaining, child labor, minimum wage, immigration, and licensing of "professionals" (ie doctors, lawyers). All of these laws have a substantial effect on the nation's economy.
(*slave revolt*)
National Labor Relations Act of 1935 -->
Guarantees rights of employees to organize unions and bargain collectively with employers.
Prevents discrimination against employees on basis of their union status
Requires employers to permit elections in which employees decide whether to unionize
Requires employers to bargain "in good faith" with unions
(*this law is rather useless*)
The US Constitution already guarantees the right to organize ("right of assembly")
A union can attempt to bargain collectively with an employer or hold an election without government permission. And the law does not require the employer to accept all contracts from a union, so in essence an employer can deem any contract 'unacceptable'.
What does 'bargaining in good faith' really mean?
Let's ask the NLRB
The NLRB is an organization that determines what is in "good faith".
*you can guarantee that the NLRB will instinctively side with the employee*
For 'third way' government workers are just as jealous of employers as the employees are
So when employers refuse to bargain with unions and hires replacement workers, the NLRB comes marching in and relishes its newfound governmental power to seek out its revenge on the schoolyard bully employer. And then we wonder why our businesses are moving overseas at such high rates!
There is no greater showdown between capitalism vs. communism than the existence of a union in a capitalist system
The unions exist for one basic reason: to secure higher wages for all members through collective bargaining. And capitalist forces undermine this objective, as marginal workers can opt out of the union in exchange for lavish treatment from employers (resistance peer pressure for divine rewards). Conversely, in a communist system, a marginal human unit can undermine the collective goal in the name of self-interest and reap mucho rewards from the brainwashed sheep (think Stalin).
The black sheep must either self-destruct or ascend to infinite glory.
(I remember lubrecht trying to bust me on an allegedly plagiarized paper regarding a 19th century labor riot at a coal mine)
Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 -->
Creates federal minimum wage
Initially set minimum wage of a quarter an hour ($3.26 in 2004 dollars)\
Federal minimum wage has currently reached level of $7.25 an hour, meaning that the real minimum wage has gone up by over 100% over the years.
(states also set minimum wages, sometimes at level above federal minimum wage)
FLSA forbid employment of workers under the age of 14
(and set restrictions on employment of 14-15 year olds)
(there are also similar state laws dating from the Progressive Era of 1900-1920)
Until the late 19th century, US had virtually no immigration regulation. During the early 20th century, some immigration regulation was enacted. Several notorious acts were passed against specific immigration groups (such as the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882). Overall, immigration was barely regulated by today's standards. Immigration rates grew higher.
In the early 1920s, Congress enacted a quota system based on national origin. This reduced immigration dramatically through the 1950s (and American dough begins to settle). In the mid-1960s, further modification of immigration law gradually eliminated the quota system and simply set limits on numbers of overall immigrants. Over the past several decades, immigration law has evolved. The granting of the right to US immigration is based on family connections, labor market skills, or refugee status. Currently, the total amount of legal immigration is modest by historical standards (roughly 1.3 the rate relative to population of the early 20th century).
The economic implication of government labor regulation is the setting of limits on supply of labor. As any good economist knows, this means that the equilibrium price for labor (wages) are increased. This is good for those who end up employed at the 'artificially' (used in the sense of 'not capitalistically pure') high wages. It's not so good for those who end up unemployed as a result of artificially high wages (as higher wages subsequently reduce demand for labor). Labor market regulation also reduces the 'efficiency' ('divine capitalistic purity') of the labor markets. If the regulation does not specifically address some externality / market failure that needs correcting, than a policy-induced increase in the price of labor (read "minimum wage") causes an inefficient substitution of capital for labor (or substituion of high skill workers to cover range of low skill workers, who are subsequently fired).
So we must ask ourselves, what market failure do we actually correct when we set an arbitrary minimum wage? When we restrict the flow of workers to jobs? When we set age limits on the people that can be employed? When we vaguely warn the government that it must 'bargain in good faith' with unions and set this wishywashy wording into law?
(*God returns from dinner to talk to babysitter about what happened*)
"Were wages too low? Were there too many workers and not enough jobs (than why do immigrants keep coming here? are they stupid? or misinformed? i'd say more like relentless, in an ugly animal sort of way) Were our workers too young and immature? Were those naughty employers ignoring the unions again?"
The government licenses professionals to ensure a standard of quality care. But as I'll try to explain later on, even this may be better left in privatized hands.
Advocates of labor market regulation claim to aim to improve the distribution of income (by impacting wages) and protect the interests of minors (with child labor restrictions). Slow down, you're telling me the government is intervening in the labor market in order to redistribute wealth? A plan with the goal of Robin Hood redistribution of wealth should focus solely on those with little to no income
(*sigh*, *gazes out window* propping up the useless yet again. and then we complain when we wait in those long lines at Disney World. but aren't the lines part of what it's all about? anyways...)
It's not unions that have been responsible for wage growth over the past century, it's technological progress, fools! These unions get all the credit for improving the economic status of labor. To be fair, unions are also unreasonably villainized by greedy captain of industry Ayn Rand-reading types as inflaters of labor costs. High wages in wealthy countries mainly reflect high education + lots of skilled workers. All of this chatter is meant to outline the proposition that unions may not be as important as we think they are. So we should the government guarantee protection of them? Are we propping up the useless yet again? I'm sure the government doesn't enjoy dealing with those rascally public sector unions, does it? See how it feels!
It is not the responsibility of the policymaker to determine whether unions are worthwhile. It is the responsibility of the policymaker to ensure that the government remains a neutral arbitrator in battles between employer + employeee
(*cue painting of master + slave with God as ultimate judge*)
Therefore, I say repeal this "bargaining in good faith" nonsense. This only restricts the sole employers response to union action, akin to tying a powerful general's hands behind his back while his troops loot his barracks.
(cherubic angel: "god won't be happy, guys")
Unions are permitted to exist. That's all the rights that the government should grant them. They are free to attempt to bargain collectively with the employers who want to bargain with them. Then it is up to the free market (read: "God") to determine whether it is in a marginal worker's best interest to join a union (read: "cult") or remain loyal to his employer (read: "parent")
(*cue short film of joga as union leader*)
Unions do reduce transaction costs, allowing individual scattered worker voices to filter into a single strong voice, facilitating that magical process known as "collective bargaining".
Now we invent "generational collective bargaining"
The government enacted child labor laws so that parents wouldn't force their children to work for the good of the household (effectively preventing parents from pimping their children to the man). Now parents that would otherwise do this without the existence of a law aren't fit to be in custody of children. Unions support child labor laws because they reduce supply of low-skill labor (although you never know about these child prodigies). Child stars/entertainers are the quintessential American Dream stories of the plight of child laborers. But it doesn't always turn out so bad. Just look at Ron Howard for pete's sakes. Guys made a lotta movies, a lotta lotta movies!
The unions really have nothing to worry about. The dumbass adults won't lose their jobs to the smartass children, as compulsory school-attendance laws + public schools ensure that the child becomes a slave to the state anyway. Parents make terrible decisions for their children all the time. Setting them to work isn't exactly the worst thing to do, especially in this age of comfortable complacency. And so what? Is it the government's job to make sure that parent's don't screw up their children's lives? You really want to run down that slippery slope? That slope ends when all newborns become wards of the state, mind you.
If more children worked at early ages, then the manboy armies we currently see would be replaced by a more well-adjusted labor force. Children would earn money, establish lifelong contacts, and gain practical work experience. The capitalist system teaches a child that actions do have consequences. If you don't perform up to snuff, you get fired and the next best applicant gets your job. Public schools provide a communist manifesto to children / millions of students fail to learn required materials (for all intents and purposes) but get promoted to the next grade nonetheless.
It's better for children to be earning money after school hours than burning out their brains with homework. Besides, it's only the most motivated of middle / high school students who actually devote any substantial time to homework. The rest of the j class junkies are off playing video games, watching television, and hanging out with friends. They may as well be getting paid to flip burgers (sure beats filming pranks in which they throw things at the very workers whose jobs they should be taking / cue 'Fire in the Hole' segment + Hauer cackle)
Child labor laws will only help the unfortunate child who is burdened with a parent who will force him to work against his/her will (and if that is the case, that's the least of the child's problems). Child labor laws adversely affect those financially struggling families who (with the child's consent) wish to have him/her work a few hours a week to bring in extra income for the family. Why forbid them this option?
What would happen if the United States allowed unlimited immigration? The increase in labor supply (and associated decline in wages) would be enormous for certain sectors, that's for sure. Therefore immigration policy has a substantial impact on the nation's economic status.
Effects of immigration -->
Increased total output (because of increased work force)
Decreased output per capita (because of increased population relative to work force)
Lower Wages
Higher returns to capital
Improved welfare for immigrants
Labor groups oppose immigration because it lowers wages (same reason captains of industry and their Wall-Street Journal citing cronies support immigration)
Fundamental problem of immigration law:
Natives bear cost / foreigners reap benefits
Furthermore, it's our low-wage workers who lose the most from immigration (as they compete for jobs with immigrants and the increased labor force leads to lower wages for all)
If one adopts a "Spaceship Earth" anti-nationalistic outlook, then unlimited immigration can be justified on humanitarian grounds (as this outlook does not distinguish between "foreigner" and "native", but simply sees an ever-migrating labor force pushed by invisible hands of supply and demand). Governments sprang from tribal policemen and armies. Do you REALLY value a marginal American life over a marginal "foreigner" life? Isn't the American more likely to be narcissistic and pushy? Think about it. People are people. Let's not get hung up on groups. The continental shift could happen at any moment and the groups could change. Learn to love humanity as a whole and don't you dare wave your flags in my face.
There is a strong argument for immigration on humanitarian grounds, but there will be an adverse effect on some natives won't there?
What immigration restriction really does is create yet another black market. And black markets destroy societies. A black market rewards liars and enriches murderers. And all the while honest non-violent taxpayers are burdened with the significant costs of border control. Despite current immigration restriction, there is continued illegal immigration into the United States in significant rates.
We mustn't forget that this is a country of immigrants. Or that immigration has a beneficial effect on overall productivity. Or that immigration fosters healthy competition and introduces alternative ideas / approaches / business models / products to a society. When there is no native supply, immigration can provide.
I have a dream that someday in the near future the United States will open its borders. I dream that every other nation will follow the US lead and open their borders. I dream of one world order. Immigration is an externality that arises from the primal territorial nature of humans. Let's move beyond this jingoistic stumbling block and realize that we're all in this together. With one world order, there would be no need for an army (except to defend against extraterrestrial attacks). The current armies could merge to become a benevolent 'world police' force (made up of loser former jocks). There would be no need for "foreign aid" as we know it, allocations would be made where global taxpayers need the most help.
(one danger of opening borders is 'brain drain' whereby all smartypants from other countries flock to US and leave their native countries with all the dummies)
I say "so what?". Let the dummies enjoy each others' company and let the smart folks build the kingdom of heaven on earth. In another generation, they'll be our pets.
The point of this rant: don't dismiss the welfare of immigrants because they weren't born within the same arbitrary boundaries you were born in. Sure a lot of immigrants can be unassimilating annoying bastards, but many more have something worthwhile to contribute to this great land.
*return to imperialist roots*
Capitalist Satan --> Grover Conell
Communist Satan --> Rozenberg
We won the war. The anti-discrimination battle is over. We must repeal those laws now and move forward as a nation.
The American government regulates unions and collective bargaining, child labor, minimum wage, immigration, and licensing of "professionals" (ie doctors, lawyers). All of these laws have a substantial effect on the nation's economy.
(*slave revolt*)
National Labor Relations Act of 1935 -->
Guarantees rights of employees to organize unions and bargain collectively with employers.
Prevents discrimination against employees on basis of their union status
Requires employers to permit elections in which employees decide whether to unionize
Requires employers to bargain "in good faith" with unions
(*this law is rather useless*)
The US Constitution already guarantees the right to organize ("right of assembly")
A union can attempt to bargain collectively with an employer or hold an election without government permission. And the law does not require the employer to accept all contracts from a union, so in essence an employer can deem any contract 'unacceptable'.
What does 'bargaining in good faith' really mean?
Let's ask the NLRB
The NLRB is an organization that determines what is in "good faith".
*you can guarantee that the NLRB will instinctively side with the employee*
For 'third way' government workers are just as jealous of employers as the employees are
So when employers refuse to bargain with unions and hires replacement workers, the NLRB comes marching in and relishes its newfound governmental power to seek out its revenge on the schoolyard bully employer. And then we wonder why our businesses are moving overseas at such high rates!
There is no greater showdown between capitalism vs. communism than the existence of a union in a capitalist system
The unions exist for one basic reason: to secure higher wages for all members through collective bargaining. And capitalist forces undermine this objective, as marginal workers can opt out of the union in exchange for lavish treatment from employers (resistance peer pressure for divine rewards). Conversely, in a communist system, a marginal human unit can undermine the collective goal in the name of self-interest and reap mucho rewards from the brainwashed sheep (think Stalin).
The black sheep must either self-destruct or ascend to infinite glory.
(I remember lubrecht trying to bust me on an allegedly plagiarized paper regarding a 19th century labor riot at a coal mine)
Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 -->
Creates federal minimum wage
Initially set minimum wage of a quarter an hour ($3.26 in 2004 dollars)\
Federal minimum wage has currently reached level of $7.25 an hour, meaning that the real minimum wage has gone up by over 100% over the years.
(states also set minimum wages, sometimes at level above federal minimum wage)
FLSA forbid employment of workers under the age of 14
(and set restrictions on employment of 14-15 year olds)
(there are also similar state laws dating from the Progressive Era of 1900-1920)
Until the late 19th century, US had virtually no immigration regulation. During the early 20th century, some immigration regulation was enacted. Several notorious acts were passed against specific immigration groups (such as the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882). Overall, immigration was barely regulated by today's standards. Immigration rates grew higher.
In the early 1920s, Congress enacted a quota system based on national origin. This reduced immigration dramatically through the 1950s (and American dough begins to settle). In the mid-1960s, further modification of immigration law gradually eliminated the quota system and simply set limits on numbers of overall immigrants. Over the past several decades, immigration law has evolved. The granting of the right to US immigration is based on family connections, labor market skills, or refugee status. Currently, the total amount of legal immigration is modest by historical standards (roughly 1.3 the rate relative to population of the early 20th century).
The economic implication of government labor regulation is the setting of limits on supply of labor. As any good economist knows, this means that the equilibrium price for labor (wages) are increased. This is good for those who end up employed at the 'artificially' (used in the sense of 'not capitalistically pure') high wages. It's not so good for those who end up unemployed as a result of artificially high wages (as higher wages subsequently reduce demand for labor). Labor market regulation also reduces the 'efficiency' ('divine capitalistic purity') of the labor markets. If the regulation does not specifically address some externality / market failure that needs correcting, than a policy-induced increase in the price of labor (read "minimum wage") causes an inefficient substitution of capital for labor (or substituion of high skill workers to cover range of low skill workers, who are subsequently fired).
So we must ask ourselves, what market failure do we actually correct when we set an arbitrary minimum wage? When we restrict the flow of workers to jobs? When we set age limits on the people that can be employed? When we vaguely warn the government that it must 'bargain in good faith' with unions and set this wishywashy wording into law?
(*God returns from dinner to talk to babysitter about what happened*)
"Were wages too low? Were there too many workers and not enough jobs (than why do immigrants keep coming here? are they stupid? or misinformed? i'd say more like relentless, in an ugly animal sort of way) Were our workers too young and immature? Were those naughty employers ignoring the unions again?"
The government licenses professionals to ensure a standard of quality care. But as I'll try to explain later on, even this may be better left in privatized hands.
Advocates of labor market regulation claim to aim to improve the distribution of income (by impacting wages) and protect the interests of minors (with child labor restrictions). Slow down, you're telling me the government is intervening in the labor market in order to redistribute wealth? A plan with the goal of Robin Hood redistribution of wealth should focus solely on those with little to no income
(*sigh*, *gazes out window* propping up the useless yet again. and then we complain when we wait in those long lines at Disney World. but aren't the lines part of what it's all about? anyways...)
It's not unions that have been responsible for wage growth over the past century, it's technological progress, fools! These unions get all the credit for improving the economic status of labor. To be fair, unions are also unreasonably villainized by greedy captain of industry Ayn Rand-reading types as inflaters of labor costs. High wages in wealthy countries mainly reflect high education + lots of skilled workers. All of this chatter is meant to outline the proposition that unions may not be as important as we think they are. So we should the government guarantee protection of them? Are we propping up the useless yet again? I'm sure the government doesn't enjoy dealing with those rascally public sector unions, does it? See how it feels!
It is not the responsibility of the policymaker to determine whether unions are worthwhile. It is the responsibility of the policymaker to ensure that the government remains a neutral arbitrator in battles between employer + employeee
(*cue painting of master + slave with God as ultimate judge*)
Therefore, I say repeal this "bargaining in good faith" nonsense. This only restricts the sole employers response to union action, akin to tying a powerful general's hands behind his back while his troops loot his barracks.
(cherubic angel: "god won't be happy, guys")
Unions are permitted to exist. That's all the rights that the government should grant them. They are free to attempt to bargain collectively with the employers who want to bargain with them. Then it is up to the free market (read: "God") to determine whether it is in a marginal worker's best interest to join a union (read: "cult") or remain loyal to his employer (read: "parent")
(*cue short film of joga as union leader*)
Unions do reduce transaction costs, allowing individual scattered worker voices to filter into a single strong voice, facilitating that magical process known as "collective bargaining".
Now we invent "generational collective bargaining"
The government enacted child labor laws so that parents wouldn't force their children to work for the good of the household (effectively preventing parents from pimping their children to the man). Now parents that would otherwise do this without the existence of a law aren't fit to be in custody of children. Unions support child labor laws because they reduce supply of low-skill labor (although you never know about these child prodigies). Child stars/entertainers are the quintessential American Dream stories of the plight of child laborers. But it doesn't always turn out so bad. Just look at Ron Howard for pete's sakes. Guys made a lotta movies, a lotta lotta movies!
The unions really have nothing to worry about. The dumbass adults won't lose their jobs to the smartass children, as compulsory school-attendance laws + public schools ensure that the child becomes a slave to the state anyway. Parents make terrible decisions for their children all the time. Setting them to work isn't exactly the worst thing to do, especially in this age of comfortable complacency. And so what? Is it the government's job to make sure that parent's don't screw up their children's lives? You really want to run down that slippery slope? That slope ends when all newborns become wards of the state, mind you.
If more children worked at early ages, then the manboy armies we currently see would be replaced by a more well-adjusted labor force. Children would earn money, establish lifelong contacts, and gain practical work experience. The capitalist system teaches a child that actions do have consequences. If you don't perform up to snuff, you get fired and the next best applicant gets your job. Public schools provide a communist manifesto to children / millions of students fail to learn required materials (for all intents and purposes) but get promoted to the next grade nonetheless.
It's better for children to be earning money after school hours than burning out their brains with homework. Besides, it's only the most motivated of middle / high school students who actually devote any substantial time to homework. The rest of the j class junkies are off playing video games, watching television, and hanging out with friends. They may as well be getting paid to flip burgers (sure beats filming pranks in which they throw things at the very workers whose jobs they should be taking / cue 'Fire in the Hole' segment + Hauer cackle)
Child labor laws will only help the unfortunate child who is burdened with a parent who will force him to work against his/her will (and if that is the case, that's the least of the child's problems). Child labor laws adversely affect those financially struggling families who (with the child's consent) wish to have him/her work a few hours a week to bring in extra income for the family. Why forbid them this option?
What would happen if the United States allowed unlimited immigration? The increase in labor supply (and associated decline in wages) would be enormous for certain sectors, that's for sure. Therefore immigration policy has a substantial impact on the nation's economic status.
Effects of immigration -->
Increased total output (because of increased work force)
Decreased output per capita (because of increased population relative to work force)
Lower Wages
Higher returns to capital
Improved welfare for immigrants
Labor groups oppose immigration because it lowers wages (same reason captains of industry and their Wall-Street Journal citing cronies support immigration)
Fundamental problem of immigration law:
Natives bear cost / foreigners reap benefits
Furthermore, it's our low-wage workers who lose the most from immigration (as they compete for jobs with immigrants and the increased labor force leads to lower wages for all)
If one adopts a "Spaceship Earth" anti-nationalistic outlook, then unlimited immigration can be justified on humanitarian grounds (as this outlook does not distinguish between "foreigner" and "native", but simply sees an ever-migrating labor force pushed by invisible hands of supply and demand). Governments sprang from tribal policemen and armies. Do you REALLY value a marginal American life over a marginal "foreigner" life? Isn't the American more likely to be narcissistic and pushy? Think about it. People are people. Let's not get hung up on groups. The continental shift could happen at any moment and the groups could change. Learn to love humanity as a whole and don't you dare wave your flags in my face.
There is a strong argument for immigration on humanitarian grounds, but there will be an adverse effect on some natives won't there?
What immigration restriction really does is create yet another black market. And black markets destroy societies. A black market rewards liars and enriches murderers. And all the while honest non-violent taxpayers are burdened with the significant costs of border control. Despite current immigration restriction, there is continued illegal immigration into the United States in significant rates.
We mustn't forget that this is a country of immigrants. Or that immigration has a beneficial effect on overall productivity. Or that immigration fosters healthy competition and introduces alternative ideas / approaches / business models / products to a society. When there is no native supply, immigration can provide.
I have a dream that someday in the near future the United States will open its borders. I dream that every other nation will follow the US lead and open their borders. I dream of one world order. Immigration is an externality that arises from the primal territorial nature of humans. Let's move beyond this jingoistic stumbling block and realize that we're all in this together. With one world order, there would be no need for an army (except to defend against extraterrestrial attacks). The current armies could merge to become a benevolent 'world police' force (made up of loser former jocks). There would be no need for "foreign aid" as we know it, allocations would be made where global taxpayers need the most help.
(one danger of opening borders is 'brain drain' whereby all smartypants from other countries flock to US and leave their native countries with all the dummies)
I say "so what?". Let the dummies enjoy each others' company and let the smart folks build the kingdom of heaven on earth. In another generation, they'll be our pets.
The point of this rant: don't dismiss the welfare of immigrants because they weren't born within the same arbitrary boundaries you were born in. Sure a lot of immigrants can be unassimilating annoying bastards, but many more have something worthwhile to contribute to this great land.
*return to imperialist roots*
Capitalist Satan --> Grover Conell
Communist Satan --> Rozenberg
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